Wednesday, June 29, 2005

And The Raven Quoth No More...

Thanks to all who have offered their varied and inspired suggestions on how to handle the pigeon "situation" as well as to those who have shared their own travails with these tenacious beasts of burden.

Greatly appreciated were offers to send over Southern BB-gun toting friends, or to export a posse of NYC-based pigeons that could exert some New York City-style pigeon justice. Other thought-provoking ideas proffered up included suggestions for locating an owl (the only natural predator of the pigeon) and advice on the black market purchase of the controlled-substance Avitrol--which apparently packs a punch of avian amnesia, causing nesting birds to take up residence elsewhere. And in the "didn't need to know" category was the little-known fact that over 150,000 people a year in the U.S. develop the flu-like symptoms of "histoplasmosis", stemming directly from contact with pigeon droppings.

Before further alarm could set in (and those persistent allergies I've had since moving to England started to take on an altogether sinisiter new meaning), the buzzer rang yesterday and it was two work overalls...with tools!

This father and son Pigeon Swat Team told me they were re-routed from a very important pigeon mission they'd left half-completed after receiving a frantic call from our property manager, who apparently finally took my latest threat for withheld rent monies seriously now that it's nearing the 1st of the month. Charles & son (who it turns out were actually "expert scalers" who'd recently returned from a trip to Everest) spent the day constructing a vast and beautific sight for weary eyes: a giant trampoline-like roof enclosure that would finally restore some nocturnal sanity to our household.

When in giddy excitment, I emailed our property manager, wanting to share my elation about the marvels of the new pigeon defense system, he responded back by "respectfully suggesting that I get out more." Sure, easy for him to say, living his no-doubt pigeon-free existence, getting his solid eight hours of pigeon-free sleep somewhere in what is obviously a pigeon-free utopia.


Anonymous Eileen R. said...

The nerve of that guy! How dare he talk to you like that! I think his attitude warrants you to catch a few of those nasty birds and trek them over to his abode - with bait to keep them there!
Love, Eileen

11:10 PM  

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