Security Levels

This comes via my friend Jen...

As the British are feeling the pinch in relation to last month's bombings, the security level has just been raised from "miffed" to "peeved". Soon though, the levels may be raised yet again to "irritated" or even "a bit cross". Londoners have not been a "bit cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

The public reaction to this heightened level of security has ranged from "pretend nothing's happening" to "let's make another cup of tea". In all instances, one must "remain resolutely cheerful".

Terrorists have been re-categorised from "tiresome" to "a bloody nuisance"; the last time a "bloody nuisance" warning level was issued was during the great fire in 1666.

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military capability.

But it's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert, the Italians have increased their alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "exhibit elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans have also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels, "invade a neighbour" and "lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone from "isolationism" to "find another oil-rich nation in the Middle East ripe for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "attack the world" and "beg the British for help".